She is Here.

Remember when I used to update this blog? Yeah, me neither.

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. And if any of you still read my blog who aren't my friends in real life or on Instagram, (do any of you still exist?!) I'd like to introduce you to the cutest little bird of a baby that ever graced the earth.

Hazel June.

She came to live with our family on March 20th. Little girl was stubborn and wanted to hang out till the end butt first just like her momma, so our "birth story" happened on an operating table instead of in a labor suite, but I would still love to share it with you. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow, if I'm not to busy cuddling my precious little gumdrop.

Goodbye Second Trimester!

 Dear little Hazel, 

Well it's quite simply near impossible to believe that your second trimester in my belly is here and gone. In fact, we are 29 weeks into this thing together as of today. How CRAZY is that? I'm sure I won't be saying this in a month or two, but carrying you along with me has been fairly simple and very very very quick. However, I must say I feel a bit like a big ol' boat as you grow and grow and grow. You are two pounds already! You used to be a tiny poppy seed and now you are over two whole pounds! I got to see you on camera recently, and you know what? You formed your hands into fists, stretched your head way way far back and STUCK YOUR TONGUE OUT AT ME! It seems that you are going to turn out just as silly as your mommy and daddy.

Suddenly I'm tired again, but not as sleepy as when you were first growing. Sleeping is getting a bit more difficult, but I'm just thinking of it as training for when you are here and we're having late night feeding and crying "parties". I've become a bit consumed with preparing for your arrival. Your nursery is coming along quite nicely. I really hope you find it cozy and cute. You have all sorts of gear now and lots of adorable little outfits. I'm even working on making you some cute accessories. 

Most of all lately, though, I've been scared, worried, and generally just terrified (to be honest) of becoming your mom. Will I know how to care for you? Will we bond ok? Will feeding go well? How on earth will I know what to do for you? Then, I remember that women have been doing this for centuries, and I keep thinking of the hymn from Sandra McCracken that says: 

To thee I run now with great expectation,

to honor you with trust like a child

My hopes and desires seek a new destination

and all that you ask, your grace will provide.

I am very certain that God has called me to be your Mom. He chose the time you'd come to be a part of our lives, and I hope you learn the hard way one day (as to increase your faith) that his timing is PERFECT. He has called me to be your mother, and all that He asks of me His grace will provide. You, little Hazel, are already teaching me what it means to lean more into my heavenly father. I am learning to trust Him in ways I didn't know I needed to trust before.  Thank you for teaching me so much already.

Sweet daughter of mine, I'm praying for you. I pray that you will know and love Christ. That you will learn what it means to be fully dependent on, and in desperate need of, your Savior. I pray that you will be humbled over and over and over again by the good news of the Gospel. It's a prayer I not only say, but plead and feel deep within my bones.

It's hard to believe at the end of our next trimester together you will be in our arms. I can't wait to meet you, see you, touch your face and rejoice over you, Hazel. I love you.

Until then, 

Mom

 

Half Way

 

Dear Sweet Hazel June, 

You are a girl! As in, you are going to be our DAUGHTER. I'm still almost brought to tears every time I think about it. I was convinced you were a little gentleman, but it turns out all my wildest dreams came true and God decided a little precious girl was just what our family needed. 

You are named Hazel because it is classic, beautiful and unique... just like we hope for you. Do you know my most common prayer for you, besides your health, is that you will have a BIG and ACTIVE imagination? I hope you lean into your God-given creativity and explore it with all your might. Your Dad and I will try and help you along the way. I want your ears to be filled with music and your eyes to be flooded with beauty. Hopefully you'll get your daddy's singing voice too! We can only hope and pray. Then, you wont be stuck whisper singing in church to spare those around you like your mommy. 

Your middle name is oh-so-very-special. You share it with your Nana Ava ... my mom! It's her middle name too, but among her family and friends back home in North Carolina she goes by June all the time. They don't know her as Ava like we do. She is the strongest woman I know, and you should feel quite honored to share your name with her. She is generous, selfless and HILARIOUS. I can't wait for you to meet her. She is just going to love you and spoil you so much. She's dying to teach you to bake cookies. Your future friends will thank you for this. It just so happens she has the best recipes. 

I'm half way through my time carrying you in my tummy. Oh how time is flying! I have a feeling with Thanksgiving and Christmas on the way you will be here before we know it! We've started getting the house ready for your arrival. I can't wait to start decorating your room. I think it is going to to be so sweet and precious. You also are acquiring quite the adorable wardrobe ... I just can't help myself.

You're about the length of a BANANA right now!!! Remember when you were just the size of a poppy seed?! It's crazy how fast you are working at growing. My belly is starting to pop out a bit and people are noticing that you've made a home there ... and so am I. I can FEEL you move. It so amazing. I can feel more and more of your little movements and kicks each day. Sometimes they startle me, but they are always welcome. We know you can hear because your daddy yelled into my tummy the other day and you went NUTS! I like to think you were giggling in there. 

We can't wait to meet you sweet Hazel, and in the meantime we'll do our best to make a warm and welcoming home for you. 

Love, 

Your Mommy.