Dear little Hazel,
Well it's quite simply near impossible to believe that your second trimester in my belly is here and gone. In fact, we are 29 weeks into this thing together as of today. How CRAZY is that? I'm sure I won't be saying this in a month or two, but carrying you along with me has been fairly simple and very very very quick. However, I must say I feel a bit like a big ol' boat as you grow and grow and grow. You are two pounds already! You used to be a tiny poppy seed and now you are over two whole pounds! I got to see you on camera recently, and you know what? You formed your hands into fists, stretched your head way way far back and STUCK YOUR TONGUE OUT AT ME! It seems that you are going to turn out just as silly as your mommy and daddy.
Suddenly I'm tired again, but not as sleepy as when you were first growing. Sleeping is getting a bit more difficult, but I'm just thinking of it as training for when you are here and we're having late night feeding and crying "parties". I've become a bit consumed with preparing for your arrival. Your nursery is coming along quite nicely. I really hope you find it cozy and cute. You have all sorts of gear now and lots of adorable little outfits. I'm even working on making you some cute accessories.
Most of all lately, though, I've been scared, worried, and generally just terrified (to be honest) of becoming your mom. Will I know how to care for you? Will we bond ok? Will feeding go well? How on earth will I know what to do for you? Then, I remember that women have been doing this for centuries, and I keep thinking of the hymn from Sandra McCracken that says:
To thee I run now with great expectation,
to honor you with trust like a child
My hopes and desires seek a new destination
and all that you ask, your grace will provide.
I am very certain that God has called me to be your Mom. He chose the time you'd come to be a part of our lives, and I hope you learn the hard way one day (as to increase your faith) that his timing is PERFECT. He has called me to be your mother, and all that He asks of me His grace will provide. You, little Hazel, are already teaching me what it means to lean more into my heavenly father. I am learning to trust Him in ways I didn't know I needed to trust before. Thank you for teaching me so much already.
Sweet daughter of mine, I'm praying for you. I pray that you will know and love Christ. That you will learn what it means to be fully dependent on, and in desperate need of, your Savior. I pray that you will be humbled over and over and over again by the good news of the Gospel. It's a prayer I not only say, but plead and feel deep within my bones.
It's hard to believe at the end of our next trimester together you will be in our arms. I can't wait to meet you, see you, touch your face and rejoice over you, Hazel. I love you.